By Dr. Don and Debbi Dunlap
Pastoral Counselor
Have you broken promises to your children and issued empty threats? You can regain their trust!
Family Counseling Ministries -
Many parents give their children several opportunities to
obey a command. Consequently, their children quickly learn that delayed
obedience is an acceptable option in their family. God expects His children to
obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit immediately. In the final article of a
20-part series on child discipline, Dr. Dunlap explains that we must teach our
children the concept that “to delay is to disobey.”
Many Christian parents have trained their children not to
believe them. Several times in department stores, for example, I have heard
frustrated mothers threaten, “Jamie, if you don’t come on this minute, I’m
going to leave you here.” Or perhaps you have heard a father tell a child, “Get
over here right now, or that big dog is going to eat you up.”
Parents should not hold threats over their children’s
heads to terrorize them into obedience. Parents should train children to obey
on first command because it is the right thing to do, and because their
disobedience will result in a swift and sure consequence.
5. Do
not make threats that you can’t or won’t carry out.
A parent may say to a child, for example, “If you don’t
sit quietly while I’m driving, I’m going to stop and throw you out of this
car.” Of course a responsible, loving parent would not actually leave a child
by the side of the road. The child soon realizes that his or her parents sometimes
make empty threats, and the child’s trust in them is gradually diminished.
Children soon begin to push against every established
boundary, because they know that their parents will not carry out certain
stated consequences of their disobedience.
6. Do
not bribe your child with rewards for good behavior.
Have you ever promised your child, “If you’ll be good
while were shopping I’ll buy you an ice-cream cone?” Using bribes accomplishes
temporary results, but it does not train a child to obey in order to please
God.
It is fine to occasionally reward a child for demonstrating
godly character, but the promise of a reward is not the reason that he or she
should obey. A child ought to obey because God says that it is the right thing
to do.
7. Be
certain that the child makes any necessary restitution.
Explain to children that they are responsible to ask
forgiveness of anyone that they offended by acting disobediently. If a child
lied to someone, he or she must go that person immediately and set the record
straight. If the child stole something, the child must return it and ask
forgiveness of the person that he or she stole it from. If the child damaged
the item that was stolen, he or she must work to earn the money to repair or
replace it.
Above all, when disciplining their children, parents
should consider the exhortation of 1 Corinthians 16:13,14. “Be on your guard;
stand firm in the faith; be men [and women] of courage; be strong. Let all
that you do be done in love.”
Dr. Don
Dunlap, a pioneer in the placement of Pastoral Counselors in the offices of
Christian physicians, has conducted over twenty thousand appointments during
his ministerial career. His counseling practice includes adults, children and
families in crisis. Dr. Dunlap is committed to facilitating a network of
telephone counselors. His goal is to provide help for the many people unable to
meet face to face with a competent Bible-based counselor. For a complete
library of Dr. Dunlap’s articles, indexed by topic, go to Family Counseling Ministries. You
may also make an appointment for personal telephone counseling by clicking on Family Counseling Ministries.
Family Counseling Ministries is a Christianity.com
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